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Golf Is Actually Very Simple, Allow Me to Explain!
Golf For Dummies, I mean, Men.
Yes, recently.... off n on for the last year or so
And yes, I now feel fully qualified to explain it to men!!! ESPECIALLY who have been playing since birth!
Thank you SO much for asking(more like begging) me to write this!
Let’s get one thing straight: golf is not hard. It is simply a walk, a swing, and a basic mans vibe. Everything else is just men overcomplicating it so they can talk longer while burping up beer, duh.
I showed up in a cute outfit, held the club intuitively, and suddenly every man within a 50-yard radius felt the overwhelming urge to give me advice I did not ask for.
Which is wild, because I already knew.
✰The Basics(For Men)
let me explain this While I’m holding your hand
Golf is about confidence, not whatever math you’re doing in your head. If you’re thinking about angles, wind speed, or your father’s expectations...you’ve already lost.
What you want to do is:
- Stand there
- Look calm
- Swing like you’re late on your period
That’s it. That’s the secret! Crazy right? how simple!
I don’t care about your handicap. I care about whether you committed to the shot emotionally.
✰Equipment Talk
Men love talking about clubs. Length. Grip. Shaft. Flex.
I let them finish....?
AND Here’s what I’ve learned, the best club is the one that matches your outfit and makes you feel like an 80s supermodel! Everything else is branding or a bad wedgey of a 50 year old with more than one chin & a burnt bald spot.
If you’re carrying fourteen clubs and still angry, something’s not working baby!
✰Course Etiquette
Golf is supposed to be relaxing. If you’re slamming clubs, swearing at the earth, or blaming nature, you’re single, sorry I meant, wrong!
When I miss a shot, I simply say, “Interesting,” and move on with my life and a sip of my transfusion.
Try that?
Also bonus points if you walk dramatically back to the cart, it is allowed. It adds tension. Very spicy, Very cinematic.
✰Why I’m Already Better Than You
Men play golf like it’s a personal referendum on their worth.
I play golf like I’m on vacation. Because I could care less
I’m not fighting the course. I’m coexisting with it, you know what I mean? If you don’t, you’ll get there someday!
If the ball goes where I didn’t intend? That’s feedback. That’s growth. That’s between me & the higher power!
Amen bitch
✰Final Thoughts, You’re Welcome
Golf is not about domination. It’s about grace, restraint, and not explaining things to women... I know.. deep breathes everyone, unless asked!
I’ve been golfing for approximately five minutes, and I can confidently say this:
You’re trying too hard?
Anyway, see you on the course :)
I’ll be the one swinging once with my pink clubs, smiling, and moving on while you explain your swing for ten minutes!
xoxo,
Future Pro
SpicyIvy