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Things That Scare Me More Than Horror Movies.
A Psychological Thriller Called Being Alive.
Like opening your front camera by accident.
Or checking your bank account after “just running errands.”
So here’s a running list of things that terrify me more than anything Blumhouse could ever produce:
✰Someone Saying “We Need to Talk” Without Context
No opening credits, no soundtrack, just instant cortisol. I’d rather face a ghost in the attic than open that text.
✰My Screen Time Report
Why is my phone trying to ruin my weekend? I know I’m rotting on TikTok and maybe fell asleep with it playing, I don’t need my analytics to confirm it!
✰Seeing My Deliveries Being “Returned to Sender”
Scarier than any exorcism. My serotonin was in that package.
✰Men Who Say “That’s Crazy” When You’re Just Talking
A psychological thriller. Every time.
✰Running Into Someone From High School
Especially when they say, “So what are you up to these days?” and I have to explain that I am trying to start my own brand and write about emotional wellness through accessories.
✰The Dentist Asking “Do You Floss?”
It’s the tone. The tone is violent.
✰Accidentally Liking Someone’s Post From 2014(internal Scream)
An unspeakable act. You can feel your soul leave your body.
✰People Who Don’t Use Their Blinkers
A jump scare with a steering wheel. Society is doomed. My heart is in my ASS.
✰The Sound of My Dog Throwing Up at 3AM
No horror movie matches the sheer adrenaline of leaping out of bed mid-REM cycle, sprinting with a towel.
✰People Who Say “I Don’t Really Like Halloween”
That’s a red flag wrapped in beige linen.
✰The Phrase “Can You Add a Few Notes to This?”
Nothing in life has haunted me more than vague half ass scramble to add feedback.
✰My Own Reflection in a Fitting Room Mirror
That lighting was designed by demons.
✰Realizing I Said ‘You Too’ to a Waiter Who Said ‘Enjoy Your Meal.
True just, fuck meeee... I’ll think about it before I fall asleep.
✰Getting an Unexpected Phone Call
Even from people I like. I’m an adult & will still watch it ring out like it’s THE Ring calling. Just text me like a civilized person.
✰Seeing “Seen 3h Ago” on a Text... I Thought Was Funny
Instant dread. I will now be lying face down for the rest of the day.
✰Forgetting Why I Walked Into a Room
Possession, probably.
✰ Someone Saying “You Look Tired”
Thanks! It’s just my face, actually.
✰ When I Send a Voice Memo and actually Hear My Own Voice
Immediate full-body cringe.
At least horror movies have soundtracks and lighting that make sense.
Real life is just awkward, under-lit, and mostly improvised Shit ✰